you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
