Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize