I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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