I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
