i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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