You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
