I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
