i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
