I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So much rum. So many feels.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
