I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
