you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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