Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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