The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
