I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
