Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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