Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
