Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
