She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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