You really coming over, don't trick.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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