Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
