i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize