there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Randomize
