You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
