i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
