i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
