At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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