Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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