my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
