I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
