you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
