My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
