we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
