Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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