Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
