Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize