Non-Jews are for practice
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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