Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize