sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
