I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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