We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
