And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
