either way he was missing a nipple.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
