My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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