I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
