she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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