Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
