The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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