i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize