note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
