So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
