At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
