So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
