Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
