When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
