is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
