I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
