I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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