i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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