They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
