i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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