i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
