Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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