what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
