shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
