I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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