I'm pants shitting drunk right now
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize