I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
