i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
