I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
