My room smells like vodka and shame
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
