Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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