Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
