apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
