I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
