Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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