we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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