my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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