dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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