Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
