it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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