I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
