Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
