went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
