i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
