I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
