hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize