yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
