he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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