remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
