let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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