I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
