I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
