Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
