Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
