Your tits are I can't wait for
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
