If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
