I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
