What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
