Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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