Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
