I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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