My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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