you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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