Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
