I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you didnt know i had herpes?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
