3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
