I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize