I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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