I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
