the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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