New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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