I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But break dance skills will only take you so far
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
