omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
