btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize