I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
